When we arrived I said, “Oh, not rock climbing, she (it was my friend’s idea) meant leisurely walking along paths near rocks! Thank God!”. You see, for me, roughing it is staying at a Holiday Inn instead of a Hyatt. Raised in the city, I don’t really do “country” very well and so while I thought rock climbing might be fun, I secretly wished she meant sitting at the bottom of the mountain, drink in hand, watching others climbing rocks.

As we walked along that beautiful lake we saw a sign that said: Labyrinth Very Dangerous! That should have been the tip off. Rarely do you see a sign like, “Brooklyn Battery Tunnel, Very Dangerous”. You should see that sign, the Brooklyn Battery Tunnel is no place for the weak of heart, but you don’t see that sign. You know why, for all of it’s faults – the Brooklyn Battery Tunnel is not very dangerous. This labyrinth is very dangerous.

This ought to give you an idea of what I mean.

I love my friend and I trust her, so I went into the labyrinth anyway. After a short crying jag at the beginning because I was overcome with terror. I completed the task. I wouldn’t crawl up the “lemon squeeze” at the end. I grunted, lifted my own body weight (no small accomplishment) and scraped my way through it, but, I finished. I made it through the labyrinth!

Try and imagine a day when kids come home from school or practice, drop their stuff on the floor by the door and shout, “What’s for dinner?” and there is no answer. Imagine at first no one will notice. Then, maybe as they meander into the kitchen they might call down to the laundry room once more screeching, “What’s for dinner?” or an older child might go as far as to say, “You haven’t started dinner yet?” Still the retorts go unanswered and yet the television goes on and food is brought in front of the TV (since no one is watching). As the clock ticks onward, soon the questions will start, “Where’s mom?” “Hey, have you seen mom?”

“Mom, where are you? I’m hungry!” They might begin to search the immediate area. One child will pick up the phone to call her cell phone. They get the answering machine… panic begins to set in – who will make dinner?

A wiser (not by much) child might add, “Call Dad.” They will hear, “He’s at work!”

Ah, yes, work. This is a sacrosanct location which can never be intruded upon by something as mundane as a phone call and questions as banal as where’s mom. We cannot disturb dad with something as silly as, “Can I have a ride? Can I have some money? What’s for dinner? Do I have to do my science homework?”

No – these are questions that are saved for mom. By the way, just so we’re clear here, those questions can be posed to mom at any time – work, sleep, even toilet time is not as well protected as dad’s work time. For that matter, dad’s toilet time is pretty special too! But, I digress.

The search will continue until one child says to the others, “Hey, I think I see mom. She is standing in front of the house and she is holding a sign. You must’ve walked right past her!”

“Me! You walked past her too!”

“Did not!”

“Did too!”

“MOM!” They run out the door to find their mother looking like the poster child for women’s suffrage in front of their house. Without so much as a pause to inquire what she might be doing, they begin…

“Where were you?”
“We were looking all over for you?”
“Do you think your funny hanging around in front of the house, you’re embarrassing me!” (teenager)
“Mom, I’m hungry! Are you going to make dinner?”
“Matt pushed me.”
“Did not.”
“Did too.”
“Did not.”
“Did too.”

The noblest of suffragettes could not have withstood such masterful negotiators. You see, the reason we don’t go on strike is because the people we are striking against have an arsenal of secret weapons that we can not withstand. We love them and WANT to be disturbed by them.

So every time I think, that’s it…I’m not doing this anymore. One of my brood will call me from what I am doing for a ride and they will say it without realizing that there is that thing in their voice, that little twinge that really is saying – take care of me, I need you.

What else is there? So…

If mommy doesn’t answer the phone – they call back.
If mommy doesn’t do the wash – they go shopping.
If mommy goes on strike – they seek her out like heat seeking missiles and strike right for the heart.